Talking about sex, relationships and identity can feel awkward but it really shouldn’t. Whether you’re just starting to figure things out, in a relationship, or just curious, you deserve honest information, no judgement and real support.

At Suffolk Sexual Health Service, young people ask us about all sorts of things from consent and body confidence to LGBTQ+ relationships, kinks, disability access/considerations, sex toys and more. So, we’re creating more inclusive resources to help answer these questions safely and openly.

Because there’s  no “normal” way to be. What matters most is that you feel safe, respected, in control and know the law.

Consent Comes First – Always

Consent means everyone involved genuinely wants to be there, feels safe, and can change their mind at any time.

You never owe anyone sex.
You never owe anyone an explanation.
And you can say no – even if you’ve said yes before.

If something feels uncomfortable, rushed, scary or confusing, that’s a sign to stop. A healthy partner will always respect your boundaries.

You can take back consent even if you’ve started an activity – it’s reversable.

Online Sex vs Real Life

A lot of what people see online doesn’t show the real side of sex like communication, boundaries, STI and contraception talks, safety or what’s legal.

Some people are curious about kinks because of what they’ve seen online. It’s important to know that a kink can only ever be okay between consenting adults who trust each other and put safety first. In the UK to engage in Kink activities you have to be 18+. Pain, pressure, fear or control is never okay. Strangulation or choking is illegal in the UK, even if someone says they agreed.

If something feels pressured or unsafe, that’s not consent and it’s not your fault.

Healthy Relationships Should Feel Safe

A healthy relationship should make you feel safe, supported and respected, not anxious or controlled.

Healthy relationships involve:

• Open communication
• Listening to each other
• Respecting boundaries
• Looking out for each other

If you ever feel scared, pressured or pushed into something you don’t want, you deserve support.

LGBTQIA+ Relationships and Sexual Health

Many young people tell us their school relationships and sexual health education doesn’t always reflect their real lives, especially if they’re LGBTQIA+. You’re not alone in feeling that way.

Whether you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, non-binary, queer or questioning, you deserve:

• Accurate sexual health information
• Safer sex advice that applies to you
• Respect for your identity
• Support without judgement

Your relationships are valid. Your identity is valid. And your health matters.

Body Confidence, Dysphoria and Intimacy

Not everyone feels comfortable in their body, and that can affect confidence and relationships. We’ve found that for some communities including LGBTQIA+, SEND, and other young people, intimacy can bring up strong feelings.

What matters most is that you:

• Feel emotionally safe
• Aren’t rushed or pressured
• Have your boundaries respected
• Are supported in ways that feel right for you
• Know where you can go to access support

There is no “right” way to feel about your body.

SEN, Disability and Sexual Health

Having a disability or special educational needs does not take away your right to relationships, attraction or sexual health information.

Everyone deserves to:

• Understand consent
• Set boundaries
• Ask questions in ways that work for them
• Feel safe and respected

If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to speak to a trusted adult, teacher, nurse or youth worker.

Sex Toys, Lube and Safety

Sex toys and lube are more common than people think. If you choose to use them, safety still comes first:

• Communication is key
• Clean toys before and after use
• Use condoms on shared toys
• Use plenty of lube
• Stop if anything hurts (for example internal bruising could happen)
• Never feel pressured to try anything
• Know where to go for help

There’s no rush to explore anything before you’re ready.

Asexuality and Intimacy

Some people don’t feel sexual attraction at all, this is called being asexual, and it’s completely valid.

Asexual people can still enjoy romantic relationships, emotional closeness and physical affection. No one should ever feel pressured to have sex to keep a relationship going.

Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex.

A Note on Vaginismus

It’s important to talk openly about vaginismus. Vaginismus is when the muscles around the vagina tighten up involuntarily, making penetration painful or impossible. It’s more common than people realise and can be linked to anxiety, fear of pain, past experiences, or sometimes no clear cause at all. If sex, tampons or examinations are painful, you’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. Support, treatment and gentle advice are available, and things can improve with the right help. If this sounds like you, Suffolk Sexual Health Service or GP can talk through options confidentially and with no judgement.

If Something Doesn’t Feel Right

Trust your instincts. If you ever feel scared, pressured, hurt or unsure, you don’t have to handle it alone.

You can talk to:

• A sexual health clinic, check out our clinic locations here.
• A school nurse or youth worker
• A trusted adult
• Your GP

Support is confidential, free and there to help you – not judge you.

You’re Not Alone in Figuring This Out

Sex, relationships and identity can feel complicated. Everyone figures things out at their own pace and that’s okay.

At Suffolk Sexual Health Service, we’re here to offer real answers, real support and a safe space to talk, whatever your questions or concerns.

You deserve to feel safe.
You deserve to feel respected.
And you deserve information you can trust.

For more information around kinks and fantasies, check out our other blog here.