Relationships can have disagreements and difficult moments. But whatever your relationship looks like, you should feel safe, respected and able to have your own boundaries.
Sometimes it can be difficult to recognise when behaviour has crossed a line, particularly if it happens gradually or involves somebody you care about.
Knowing some of the warning signs can help you recognise when something doesn’t feel right and understand when it might be time to ask for support.
Your boundaries matter
A boundary is something you set to communicate what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
That could relate to sex and physical affection, but boundaries can also involve your phone, social media, friendships, privacy or how you spend your time.
Healthy relationships involve listening to and respecting each other’s boundaries, even if you don’t always agree.
Repeatedly ignoring somebody’s boundaries isn’t okay.
Pressure isn’t consent
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean somebody is automatically entitled to sex.
Sexual consent must be freely given.
Pressuring somebody until they eventually say yes, making them feel guilty for saying no, threatening them or manipulating them into sexual activity are not examples of healthy consent.
You can also change your mind at any point, including during sexual activity. Having agreed to sex before doesn’t mean you have agreed to it again.
What are some warning signs?
Unhealthy or abusive behaviour can look different in different relationships. Warning signs might include a partner:
- repeatedly ignoring your boundaries
- checking your phone or messages
- trying to control who you see or where you go
- making you feel frightened or threatened
- pressuring you into sexual activity
- pressuring you around condoms or contraception
- making you feel guilty for saying no.
One behaviour alone cannot tell you everything about a relationship. However, if somebody’s behaviour makes you feel controlled, pressured, frightened or unsafe, it’s okay to ask for help.
You don’t need to wait until it feels ‘serious enough’
If something doesn’t feel right, you don’t need to wait for the situation to get worse before talking to somebody.
Speaking to someone you trust can be a first step. Specialist domestic abuse and sexual violence services can also offer confidential advice and support.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
Suffolk Sexual Health Service can support you with sexual health concerns following sexual contact, including advice about STI testing, contraception and your options.
Whatever has happened, asking for help is always okay.
Need sexual health support? Visit Suffolk Sexual Health Service or use the online portal:
